he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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