im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
