i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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