You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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