As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
