5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
