Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
