I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
