my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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