shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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