I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
