Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
