Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
