We're facebook friends in real life
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
