So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
