Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
