$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
