I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
