Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
