I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
