when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
