he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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