If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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