it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
