his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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