oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
