I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
