Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
