Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize