This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
