I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
