I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
