Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
