I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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