I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
