So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
