spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
