No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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