community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
there is puke in my bra ... again
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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