i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
