Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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