no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
