Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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