all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
