A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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