Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
