Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
