if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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