There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize