the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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