When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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