I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
