it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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