Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Please don't give away my fajitas
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
