1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
