I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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