Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
