I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
