Ambien. No doubt about it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
