you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
