cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
