I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
