would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You are the jesus of drinking
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
